The last flicker of hope is snuffed out.
The closest resemblance to peace is shattered.
Like lead, my troubled heart weighs me down.
Confusion spurns its yarn around my plans.
As doubt spins its web all over my faith.
Hopelessness suddenly has a sweet aroma.
Darkness suddenly sounds like a bright idea.
I am down, my soul is downcast, my spirit is vexed.
I am having a bad day…
“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”[Psalm 9:9-10]
You have never lost a case, even when I was guilty,
You have never turned away, even when I asked you to,
You have never rebuked me, even when I blamed you,
You have never hated me, even when I held you in contempt.
I feel so distant from You,
I feel out of reach of Your grace,
I feel undeserving of Your mercy,
I feel unworthy of Your love,
I have let You down,
I have enjoyed an afternoon in the park on my mood swings,
I have let my love grow cold,
I have pushed away those who tried to help,
and I’ve ignored those who sought my help.
Somehow… I have found myself blaming You for letting me feel this way… so low.
Yet deep down, there’s a part of me that’s You.
A piece of me that understands You.
A bit of me that yearns for the joy I once had in You.
The joy of my salvation.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” [2 Cor 4:7-10]
I know that this feeling is only momentary, temporary, transient…
Because I have never seen the righteous forsaken,
And I know that I am righteous, in Christ,
I know that I am forgiven, by Grace,
I know that I am still Your Son, by faith,
That’s why tonight I earnestly seek You,
For You have never forsaken those who seek You.
And even though You slay me, still I will trust You Lord.